If you are unfamiliar with my previous “Scamventure”, you’re in luck! I’ve recently been contacted by ANOTHER internet scammer– and on Facebook of all places! But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s bring back some of those beautiful screenshots and see how this all came to be. His name? Otunba Lamba. His home? Lagos, Nigeria. (but also probably not, as we deduced back in the original Scamventure with Barr(i)ster Jude Anthony)
Now this is an entirely more advanced kind of scam that brings new, frightening context to the dangers of the internet in much of the same way Hansen V. Predator continues the good fight, fought hard over the past few decades by the picture of honest journalism and personal hero, Chris Hansen— and here’s how.
As I discussed previously, these scams will often take the form of someone reaching out for help, or someone with a business opportunity. However, if we drop the pretense of formality that comes with email and replace it with the comfort of Facebook, where everyone is either your Friend, or you just keep it that way but unfriend them because you lack conviction. It’s okay, we’ve all been there.
I’m not projecting– YOU’RE projecting.
Otunba seemed like a real decent, hardworking guy like myself– always grinding to make a name for hisself. I can really, genuinely appreciate someone trying to get ahead in life– but not like this. After a few more uninteresting interactions, this occurred:
Do I? Do I have personal ownership over my very own Wells Fargo? I can take it outside in the rain and play with it and jump though puddles and everything? This is an incredible development– I’ve never had my very own provider of banking, mortgage, investing, credit card, and personal, small business, and commercial financial services. Wait. I’ve never had my very own https://www.wellsfargo.com at all.
I think my friend Otunba may be about to lie to me about becoming wildly rich, maybe with something that I’ve looked into and personally dismissed, personally (personally [personally] )– cryptocurrency.
But that would be ridiculous– what a Space-Age crime! I thought I had to send my money through that big tube they call the… Wire? I think it’s like the internet, but for non-Internaut civilians who gave a collective 211 Million Dollars to scammers in 2017 (I mean, if you even BELIEVE the FBI [the crinkling of foil and the gnashing of teeth])
I did the only logical thing– I immediately linked him to the original ScamVenture, to draw his attention to the fact that I am probably the worst kind of person to futz about with– one that will speak their mind openly and directly.
So I cut through all the skin and pretention and really start to chew the fat of his hustle’s corpse, stepping ahead of him on several matters to halt his attempted advance.
I decided right then and there that I was going for the throat. I recognize that others hold different beliefs near and dear to them as I hold my very own. However, when an individual is faced with new FACTUAL information (that factual information being that it is safer for me not to send my personal Wells Fargo to him than to send my personal Wells Fargo to him) that clearly antithetical to their point and there is no change, either in altering the opinion to fit the new FACTUAL information or a full blown change of opinion. It is difficult to consider– our complex decision making process broken down to three simple options (the third being not engaging at all)– but in the case of free dialogue and open communication it is absolutely imperative to the health of the conversation for your proverbial ego to stay out of it, and the unnecessary, seemingly infinite number of ambiguous gray areas become unproductive as the conversation becomes about the minutia of that same conversation, creating an endless loop that is only acceptable for waterslides and John Barth stories.
So I told it like it is.
This was going to be me continuing to trash on Otunba, but I realized that my anger was misplaced. Otunba is not going to stop– the scam game in places like Nigeria, or Togo, business is absolutely booming right now. And with the rising frequency of those unfamiliar with the ways of the internet becoming connected via smartphones, it mimics the internet gold-rush that was the Dot.Com Boom, with millions of unaware users all over the globe and evil people who exploit them.
One legitimate criticism of Otunba himself is a form of an appeal to authority in his last statement in the aforeposted image. By referring to me as a ‘young man’ he is, intentionally or otherwise, putting himself in an imaginary position of power above me in order to infantilize me and disarm me.
Realizing that I was better than where the discussion was going, I decided to wish my old friend Otunba goodbye. Perhaps one day, once my Wells Fargo births her first litter, you can come to my ranch and see all of the Wells Fargos playing with wild First Nationals, eating Trust Companies and excreting entire U.S. Mint-stamped bars of gold.
See you in the next life, Otunba. Hopefully we can meet up with Barr(i)ster Jude Anthony for a drink, wherever we all end up.
Brendan C. Bush, co-creator and contributor at Heck Media