After last week’s holly jolly ScamVenture success, I’ve decided to theme each subsequent entry in the series from this point on. Part five’s theme will be STOCK PHOTOS, as I am not currently working on my home pc and this is more of a convenience thing for me as I am desperately stuck in the library for the foreseeable future (send help). Luckily for us, as you know, desperation breeds excellence. I’ll be using stock photos entirely from Pixabay.com this week. I will be typing in a single relevant word and picking the best representation of said word within the first ten image search results. This is not a sponsored article, by the way- I just like using Pixabay. So, onward with PART FIVE- LOCK, STOCK, AND BARREL.
Finally, after a month of correspondence with Barr(i)ster Jude, we’re getting to the nitty-gritty and actually contacting the alleged bank that holds Edward Media’s vast fortune. We have been officially introduced to the “BANQUE INTERNATIONAL POUR L’AFRIQUE AU TOGO-LOME-TOGO”. With a quick Google search, we find that this is indeed a real bank. However, funnily enough, we see that the second google search result is from a blog titled “FraudFYI” (fraudfyi.blogspot.com).
We’ve been named the “Legitimate Next of Kin to my late client”. Fantastic, but I certainly am going to miss my dear whatever-the-hell-he-was Edward. The bank has promised to contact us “any moment regards procedure and step according to their protocol”. This sentence is like techno-babble and word-salad’s bastard son who was born with entirely too many limbs but not enough fingers or toes. We’re reminded to keep checking our email “always” and to forward any email from the bank to Jude for “legal advice”.
Jude continues to tell us about how happy he is to tell us that this transaction can only last “not more than 14 working days if we be able to meet up with the bank demands”. Not only will we be do that, but we be do that at as soon as possible asap be done did, Jude- we be on the same team we be on together at the same time simultaneously together be on with. I want you guys to know that I could have gone on forever with that last gag but I decided to not drive you insane.
We are reminded that this is transaction is to be kept hush-hush, as to avoid any “counter letter” that may “jeopardize our effort”. Jude continues on and urges to us that we cannot bring in a “third Patty” of any kind. One patty is fine, two patties is pushing it, but a THIRD PATTY? Jude, you must take me for a damn fool, thinking I would try to bring a third patty to this two-man patty party.
Jude thanks us for our “co-operation” (so close, Jude. So close. I mean, it works but it’s not ideal). We’re given his kind regards and- wait, hold the phone. This is how he signed this email:
Mr jued anthony,Esq.
Bougah & Advocate
Tel: +228 90423706.
Who is “Jued”? And what the hell is a “Bougah”? I understand the first as just a simple spelling error, but “Bougah”? I, of course, did a google search to get to the bottom of this. The closest I got was an Urban Dictionary definition for the word “Ougah-Bougah”. “Ougah-Bougah” is the action of wiping your poopy butt on someone’s clean bed (IE; “Dude, why the hell did you ougah-bougah my bed?!?). I, uh, I don’t think that has anything to do with Jude’s profession. Though, I suppose this scam is like Jude wiping his ass all over the reputation of West Africa.
To wrap this all up, Jude wants us to send an e-mail to a “DR. MRS.BELLA OKAM” and “DR.KATONGO NGOY”, the director of Telex Department and the Head of Foreign Operations at the International Bank respectively. And, oh boy, we find out that Edward Media is our cousin! One more piece to the puzzle in place, thank the lord.
So I’m going to send this e-mail on over and we’ll see what happens in the next installment of ScamVenture!