So, to throw a little more holiday spice into our ScamVenture, I decided to do this one in the same form as the classic Christmas poem “T’was The Night Before Christmas”. Also I love Christmas. And no, I don’t care that Christmas isn’t tomorrow. No I don’t care that this is going up on the 30th of November. Just shut up and enjoy it.
T’was the night before December, and all around Heck,
not a creature was stirring- not even Shrek.
Brendan sat at his desk, fingers drumming quite anxiously
in hopes that we’d hear from our buddy Jude Anthony
The g-mail was organized in a very nice fashion
with the fervor of devotees watching the Passion.
And Mitchell, in his hoodie, and I in my flannel
looked at my pinned tabs and saw a small flashing panel!
There the barr(i)ster’s name, of which we all know,
caused mad screams of excitement to fill my chateau.
And I opened that letter, with holly jolly haste,
ready with clever quips and tongue-lashings, prepared to lambaste.
“Sincere appreciation” that we’ve come to expect,
made my humorous organ become fully erect.
More rapid than vultures, I picked it apart
so now I’ll tell you, I’ll begin at the start
“Disclosure Agreement”, the first part reads,
(though “NDA” is the wrong acronym, it’s some answers he needs!)
“Are you capable enough to champion this claim”
language so flowery, Jude puts Fitzgerald to shame!
“Do not cheat or betray” part two accusingly requests
the irony is perfect, and I’d expect no less
from our friend from Africa,
Togo, in the west.
Part three asks that we hold no bias
with the utmost respect and total compliance.
Why would Jude expect any less
with riches on the line I wish to possess.
Four comes in strong, telling us this is a secret,
to fold up for our own, find safe place to keep it.
Due to the “jealousy of the world”
we’ll keep these dealings furled.
Jude! You think so lowly of Heck Media
like we suffer from deeply ingrained acedia.
Five tells us to please not run away with the dough
and to not blackmail poor Jude (just don’t be a dildo).
And to finish this off, this beautiful art piece
part six is luckily devoid of most leagalese.
Jude wants us to agree morally and financially
to support this “not-scam” entirely and substantially.
So that is the end, so sorry to say
the end of Scamventure, at least for today.
We had a good time, but always remember-
If it’s too good to be true it uh, probably is.
Thank you guys so much for supporting this series! I’ve been having an absolute blast writing it. I’m going to respond to Jude in the affirmative, so there will be more ScamVenture to come! Stay tuned to Heck Media, because, you know, you can tune in to a website.
-Brendan C. Bush, contributor and Co-Creator of Heck Media